


Little Earthquakes

by Leloi



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Dark John Watson, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Frottage, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 09:03:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10716333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: “Anything you need, John.  Anything.” I whispered, unsure if the man I held would resort to more violence.  But I was ready for that.  I could take another beating.





	Little Earthquakes

**Author's Note:**

> Another fic for IantoLives!
> 
> Warnings For: Mildly dubious consent, emotional abuse. Mentions of physical abuse. Dark John is under Eurus' control.

John leaned against my warmth. I held him close, my hand resting on the back of John’s neck as my other hand braced John’s arm. The man shook silently with sobs. “It is what it is.” I murmured, tightening my grip and lightly kissing the top of John’s head.

John sniffled and rubbed his face against my shirt. 

“Anything you need, John. Anything.” I whispered, unsure if the man I held would resort to more violence. But I was ready for that. I could take another beating.

John sniffled again and reached up to take my forearm from where I held his arm, guiding my hand down between us.

I found my hand pressed against John’s crotch. 

“You said ‘anything.’” Of course… John had contemplated cheating on Mary with an unknown person. John hadn’t had sex since before Rosie was born. The cheating was for sexual release. 

My fingers explored the front of John’s trousers, searching for any indication of an erection within. 

“We only have fifteen minutes.” John warned. It was a challenge then… A challenge to see how quickly I could get John off. With the state John was in, it would have to be something more than just touching.

I went to his knees and undid the button and zip of John’s trousers. With a glance up at John to gauge his reaction, I pulled down the front of John’s pants and immediately took the flaccid organ into my mouth. John felt and tasted wonderful. Often I fantasized about sucking John off until orgasm so I could taste his semen. There was something immensely appealing about taking a part of John into myself. As I sucked and licked the organ came to life in my mouth.

John moaned softly and reached down to tangle his fingers into my curls. His hips moved, countering my sucking.

Suddenly it was too much. I attempted to pull away but John had me by the hair. With a sudden panic and a cry, I attempted to alert John to his discomfort. But it went unheeded. 

John finally went still and I swallowed and swallowed, tasting John for the first time everywhere at once. It caused me to choke. John released my curls and stepped away, tucking himself back into his pants and putting his trousers to rights. Crossing the room, he sat down on his chair, leaving me alone on my knees in the middle of the room.

I finished swallowing and rubbed the remainder from my lips with the back of my hand. The taste wasn’t horrible. A part of me felt betrayed. It could have been better for the both of us. But another part of me felt I deserved it for my part in getting Mary killed. John needed release and I would give him that. At least there was no chance of accidental pregnancy if John were to use my body for his sexual release.

I noticed that John was still and glanced up to see him looking at me as I continued to kneel on the floor. “You said ‘anything.’”

“And I mean it, John. Anything you need. Take it.”

John rolled his eyes and looked to my mobile. “How does she know your birthday and I don’t?” There was jealousy in his voice. I could imagine him rolling that thought around while he used my mouth. 

“You never asked.”

“You never celebrate it.”

I shrugged and got up from the floor to sit in my chair, across from him. “What’s to celebrate?”

“You could have told me.”

“It’s January 6th.” 

“Come to think of it… You’ve always been melancholy around this time of the year for as long as I’ve known you.”

“Now you know.”

John checked his watch. “We should get ready to go.”

We did not speak of what happened for the rest of our hour together.

After John’s shift is Molly and then Mrs. Hudson. They passed through my door like a parade to watch over me. The shift I despise the most is Mycroft’s. At least Lestrade brings me cold cases when he comes. Mycroft only brings be snide comments. But I know I deserve it. I have shown I can no longer be trusted to take care of myself. It was an intervention.

No one has bothered to ask why I did it. 

Of course I might lie and said it was for a case… Mary’s case. 

But the truth is that I had been flirting with death from the moment I saw John with a ring box for Mary. It was the moment I knew that I had lost John forever. And I knew there would never be anyone else for me. Each moment spent with them had been a nail in the coffin that ensured my own death. With Mary gone…

John was broken and cruel. It was almost as if he lost something vital when he lost Mary. And I accepted this John. A part of me knew this John was better than no John at all. This John may take his anger out on me.

“How are you?” Molly asked, timidly.

I looked at her as she sat in John’s chair, regarding me. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Molly replied, biting her lips for a moment as she studied me. “He did that to you.”

“It’s nothing.” I replied. “I deserved it.”

“No one does, Sherlock.”

“I do.”

“Have you ever considered that it’s not your fault? You take the blame. Why? Because he’s the one that blames you?” Molly shook her head. “It’s not right.”

“It is what it is.” I answered.

“And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’re killing yourself for him.”

“Molly…”

“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you haven’t been self-destructive because of him.”

I shook my head in denial, unable to say it. 

“You don’t deserve to be treated like this. No one does.” Molly asserted.

And it hurt to know this was the only way I could have John.

“People care about you, Sherlock.” Molly pleaded.

With every fiber of my being he wished I could include John on that list. 

“I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.” Molly whispered.

It broke my heart that because of what I’d done, John would never say those words ever again.

^.~

The next day John arrived to relieve Mrs. Hudson. We sat for a moment, staring at one another. Finally, casually, John undid the button of his trousers.

I bit my lips, remembering the way he used my mouth the day before. I wanted him desperately. I wanted to give him comfort and please him… But the sensation of his penis hitting the back of my throat almost made me gag. Research into oral sex revealed that I would have better results if I used my fist to control the amount I allowed into my mouth. 

John unzipped his zipper. 

I slipped out of my chair and crossed the short distance between us. I could do this for him. I could give him comfort and release. I leaned in, obedient to his silent plea and wrapped my hand around his growing erection. With my hand in place I licked the tip, finding it to be a length I could easily manage.

John’s fingers tangled themselves in my hair. Quickly he was writhing in his chair, fingers attempting to pull me closer. I sucked and licked, my hand soaked from my own saliva.

Suddenly John ejaculated and I swallowed it all, proud of myself for managing it.

“Mmm…” John hummed, head rolled back with a look of contentment on his face. “Mary.”

I swallowed what was in my mouth and pulled away from him. Hastily I wiped my hand on my trousers as I went back to my chair. Why would he call her name? I was confused and a little hurt by what he moaned in his moment of passion. 

John regarded me from his chair. “You know you’re good at that.” With a smirk he tucked himself away. 

Quickly the subject changed and we did not speak of it again during his shift. When Molly came to relieve him, she gave me a knowing look as if she knew what John had done and what name he had called out. There was no way she could have known. But I knew she knew something was up between John and me. She didn’t caution me as she had the day before. 

At the end of her shift she gave me a quick peck on the cheek and it hurt… These casual friendly things I can do with a female colleague, but not the man I’m desperately in love with. John may allow fellatio, but he would never kiss me.

^.~

I was in one of my moods the next day and didn’t bother to get dressed. Mycroft tutted at me. Mrs. Hudson didn’t mind my sheet. But I couldn’t handle the sensation of cloth on my skin. I spent most of my day in my bedroom with only a thin sheet between me and their watchful gaze. 

John arrived and I could hear the sound of fabric. My sheet lifted and a warm body slid itself into my bed, behind me. Warm skin pressed against my back as a strong arm wrapped around my waist. I could feel his penis pressed against my ass. 

I wiggled in anticipation. I wanted him. I ached for him. I wondered how far he would go. Would he fuck me? Use my body for his pleasure? I thought I felt his lips touch the back of my neck. His breath was warm and fanned out across my shoulders. 

“I want you.”

“You can have me.” I replied.

With a jumble of limbs he managed to crawl over me and settle between my thighs. I was thrilled at his naked body pressed against me, his erection nestled against my own. And when he moved his hips I was in heaven. 

We moved together like we were made for it. My arms and legs wrapped around him, to keep him in place as he rubbed our hips together. The friction was delicious and I ached to kiss him. But I dared not. Instead I was satisfied with him grinding against me as I bit my lips to keep them to myself. 

Too quickly I was falling, slipping over the edge and I climaxed between us. 

John slowed for a moment, looking down at the mess I made between us before speeding up again. I watched his eyes close and his mouth form that ridiculous ‘o’ as his semen joined my own. John collapsed atop me and for a moment I was elated at his surrender in my arms. But then… “Oh, Mary…”

My heart seized in my chest and I froze. What had once felt like heaven suddenly felt like hell. I felt shame and horror, knowing it was not me he thought of as he took me… It was her.

But that’s all I am… A replacement for her now that she’s gone. 

John got up and wandered off to the bathroom. I waited until he was out before doing the same. I had to clean the semen from my body. It was a sticky reminder of what we had done. I returned to my bedroom to find John curled up in my bed. His clothes still lay scattered on the floor. I joined him and set the alarm to go off thirty minutes before Molly was expected to arrive to give us time to make ourselves presentable should we both fall asleep. Climbing into bed, I felt John shift beside me, resting his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arm around my waist. And for a time I wondered if he even knew whom he was resting against. 

“You set the alarm?”

“In case we fall asleep.” I answered.

“Good.” John yawned. “I feel like I haven’t slept for days. I could use a nap.”

“We have three hours.”

“Sounds good.” John mused as he lightly kissed my shoulder and settled in for a doze.

I watched him for a time, baffled at his light mood after casually reminding me of the person he was thinking about while he’s with me. Did he mean to be cruel? Eventually I too fell asleep.

^.~

I awoke to a sensation of warmth on my penis. Looking down, I found John suckling on me. It felt amazing. “John?”

John looked up, making eye contact before removing his hand so he could swallow me all the way down to the root.

“Oh, John…” I moaned, rolling my head back to stare up at the ceiling. 

His lips pulled off of me and I could feel him nuzzling where my thigh met my hip. Suddenly there was a sharp pain as his teeth bit my upper thigh. 

I cried out in surprise. “Ow! John, stop!” 

His teeth bit a little harder before he pulled off and returned to my penis, licking the tip. For a terrible moment I worried that he would bite there too. But his teeth remained out of the way. It was only when he dipped down on my shaft that I felt his teeth lightly scrape the underside. 

“Please don’t…” I whispered. There was a bite mark on my upper thigh with a little blood oozing from where he bit me. 

John rolled his eyes and hummed, causing my penis to vibrate. John continued to hum as he bobbed on me.

I realized I didn’t know if I could trust him not to hurt me. But my body reacted to the stimulation anyway. “John… I’m about to… To…” I was helpless and completely under his power. I ejaculated and John stilled. As I finished I watched him get up from the bed and go into the bathroom. There was a sound of him spitting, followed by the sink turning on. I turned my head to look at the time, surprised to find that it was past time for my alarm to go off. I checked the alarm and found that it was to go off at the time I set but hadn’t.

“I turned it off.” John stated as he returned to the bedroom and started to dress. 

“Molly should be here by now.”

John casually shrugged and pulled on his vest. “Probably.”

“Why did you turn it off?” I asked.

“You needed the sleep.” John answered as he buttoned up his shirt. Picking up his shoes and socks, he leaned across the bed and kissed my forehead. “See you.” And with that he was across the room, opening the door.

Molly stood on the other side of the door and I realized that I was completely exposed. Quickly I pulled my sheet up around my waist as Molly blinked at John. John passed her and she looked in on me. There was a frown on her face as she looked back over her shoulder where John had gone. 

For a time we waited until the front door opened and closed to signal John’s departure. “Hello, Molly.”

“He hurt you again.”

I shook my head and tightened the sheet around my waist so she couldn’t see anything suspicious. 

“I heard you cry out, Sherlock. He hurt you. Show me where.”

“I’m not going to show you.” I answered.

“What did he do?”

I shook my head again. “He bit me.”

“Did he break skin?”

“A little.”

“The wound should be cleaned.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.” Really I had no intention of doing anything to the wound, aside from blotting up the blood. But I didn’t want her assistance in such a delicate area.

“Sherlock… There’s something wrong with John.”

“No…” I denied.

“I’ve never known him to physically hurt you. If anything he’s always been protective of you and now he isn’t.”

I couldn’t tell her it was because of Mary’s death. I was no longer someone John cared about. I was only physical release he desperately needed. Whether that was sexual or aggressive release, it didn’t really matter. It was the only way I was of any use to him anymore. I would do anything for him.

“Sherlock, are you listening to me?”

“People change. He lost someone he loved.”

Molly gave a sigh and a roll of her eyes. “He bit you! He bit you someplace you won’t show me. That’s not right… Not unless you asked for it.”

“I asked for it.” I responded, mostly to keep her from pushing the issue. And technically I did offer him ‘anything’ which would include biting.

Molly took a deep breath. “Do you want some tea? I’ll go make some tea. Why don’t you put on some clothes and come have tea with me?”

I nodded in response and followed her suggestion. I did not ask her how long she had been listening through the door.

^.~

I found myself with my ass in the air and my shoulders on the mattress. I was in pure bliss. John’s fingers probed and prodded until he opened me enough to push inside. I still felt the burn and the sense of being full, but it was bearable. John’s cock seemed to know where to rub inside of me and I could see stars.

Suddenly he pulled out. “Roll over.”

Obediently I turned over so we could come together face to face. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he pushed back into me. “John…” I murmured, feeling the delightful stretch and burn. It was evidence that he was inside of me.

“You feel so good…” John whispered. “So tight and slick. I’m gonna cum.”

“Yes, please…” I answered. John went without a condom. Honestly we just didn’t have any in the flat that were within the expiration date. But since I was the one on the receiving end it didn’t really matter. I have been reckless with my life lately and when it comes to John I honestly don’t care what diseases he might carry. I doubt he carried anything. Had he been on the bottom it would have been a different matter entirely. And I liked the idea of being filled by my John. 

“You’re so beautiful…” John breathed and held his breath, going still.

I wiggled, feeling my body expel between us. 

“Mary…”

I took a deep breath and bit my lips to keep from screaming. I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw him off of me and yell at him. But I remained silent.

^.~

John had a therapy session the next day. We got word that he had been found unconscious with a tranquilizer dart in his thigh. Further investigation revealed that the person who owned the residence had been dead for three weeks, her body stuffed into the airing cupboard. 

When John regained consciousness he told us that the person he thought was his psychiatrist was actually someone claiming to be my sister, Eurus. This brought Mycroft, John and I to Sherrinford where we played her sick game. It was there I found out that my whole life had been a lie. 

I wondered if John had been placed in my path so I would fall for him. I wouldn’t put it past Eurus to have John shot so he would fall into my path and appeal to my fondness for men in uniform. Of course… She also placed a lesbian dominatrix in my path so it’s unlikely she knew what my preferences were.

We played her game. And in the end I won and saved the man I loved from suffering the same fate as the friend I barely remembered.

^.~

“There is something you need to know about John.” Mycroft murmured, glancing at where the doctor stood, talking to Greg.

“I know what you’re going to say.” I frowned.

“What am I going to say?” Mycroft asked, raising his eyebrows.

“What we have is unhealthy. I know. Molly tells me it’s not right.”

“Oh, I…” Mycroft gave a weary sigh and leaned on his umbrella. “My dear brother… Eurus has been talking to John. She was his therapist.”

I shook my head, unsure what that meant.

“She’s been brainwashing him to get to you.”

I took a step away. “No.”

“Everything he’s done since he started seeing his new therapist after Mary died… It was programmed into him by our sister. He carried out her whims.”

I shook his head to clear it of memories. “Her whims?”

“Her whim to burn your heart.”

Everything John had done… The abuse and the sex had all been Eurus’ doing. She had known how much John meant to me and used that to harm us both. 

“Hey…” John spoke up from behind me, causing me to spin around and stare at the damp man wrapped in a blanket. 

“Eurus brainwashed you to hurt me.” I blurted out.

Mycroft groaned.

John blinked several times before shaking his head. “Sorry… What?”

“She meant for you to burn out my heart, John.”

John looked to Mycroft for guidance.

“You’ve been programmed to harm Sherlock.”

“How?” John asked.

“When you beat him.” Mycroft suggested.

“When you… When we’re alone together.”

John’s eyes went wide and he looked between the two of us. “I don’t remember… I remember hitting him but it was like someone else was doing it. I don’t recall anything about being alone together…”

“You call out Mary’s name.”

“I… I’m so sorry, I.” John whispered. “I had no idea.”

“We will make sure you are deprogrammed, John.” Mycroft stated. 

^.~

“Do you want to talk about it?” Molly asked.

I shook my head.

“I understand vaguely that you were forced to get me to say it.” 

“She said there was a bomb. She killed others so there was no reason to doubt that she would follow through with her threat.”

“What happened?” Molly leaned against the back of the couch.

“We went into a room and there was a casket that said ‘I love you’ on the lid.”

“A casket?” Molly made a face. “Sherlock… Don’t you see the symbolism? Your love is killing you.”

“We’ve already established there wasn’t a bomb…”

“No…” Molly murmured and rubbed her face. “I meant the person you are fixated with. You call out their name constantly. They can harm you and you go back for more.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” In truth I knew exactly whom she was talking about. 

“Sherlock… Don’t.” Her tone was threatening in a way I had come to respect.

“I died for him. And he found someone else. He married her… Had a child with her. She died and he doesn’t want me. He’s never wanted me the way I want him.” 

“And you’d rather die than live without him.”

I bit my lip to cover my pain. 

“And you welcome the abusive attention he gives you.”

My eyes started to sting and there was a lump in my throat.

“Oh, Sherlock…” Molly approached my chair and crouched down before me, looking up at my attempts to cover my tears. “I’m so sorry.”

“She made me choose between Mycroft and… And… Who to kill.”

“You chose Mycroft?”

“I chose myself.” I answered. The tears could no longer be contained and I wiped them away. “First I chose Mycroft and then I chose myself. She didn’t like that answer. She didn’t expect that answer.”

There was a brief knock at the door before John walked in, holding Rosie. Quickly he took in Molly’s and my position. “Sorry… I’m interrupting something.”

Molly got up and crossed to take Rosie. “I was just leaving.” Bringing the child to me, she allowed me to touch her cheek before whisking her away. “I think you should tell him.” Quickly she left, leaving that suggestion behind.

“Tell him?” John echoed.

“How was your appointment?” I asked John.

“Good. I think we’re making progress… At least I hope we are making progress.” John sat in his chair and stared at the floor. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking when I did those things. But I know I hurt you. I wanted to hurt you. She made it easy to be angry with you and hurt you. It felt like you deserved it, but you didn’t. I know that now.”

“It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not.” John answered. “First I blamed you even though Greg told me you were the one with the gun aimed at you. Mary got in the way. Then I beat you to the point of putting you in the hospital. And then… Then I force you into a sexual relationship.”

“You didn’t force me.” I cut in.

“Yeah? Well I didn’t care about what you wanted. And something within me wanted you to feel bad. So I kept saying her name.”

“You were brainwashed.” I suggested.

“That’s no excuse. I really am sorry and I would like to make it up to you.”

“How?” I asked.

“We can forget like it ever happened. I never seduced you.” John answered.

I shook my head. “That doesn’t work. We both have needs. I’m willing to give you anything you want.”

“You have needs.” The idea seemed to amuse him.

“Of course I have needs.”

“And those needs include me?”

“Always.” I whispered. “Move in with me.”

John gave a soft laugh and looked around the scorched room. “Once we clean it up a bit…”

“It hasn’t been the same since you left.”

“Then maybe I should move back in. In the meantime perhaps you would like to stay with me at my place? We can clean up over here. It might be a little cramped… But there’s room for you if you want it.”

I smiled at him. “I would like that.”

John came towards me and leaned against my chair. As he pressed his lips against mine I saw in his eyes something dangerous. A shiver passed up my spine.

\--Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Title a song by Tori Amos called "Little Earthquakes."


End file.
